Heat. It surprises me in the middle of the day, draining all other thought from my mind. A melting, there, hidden but demanding attention. As it spreads, I am consumed by selfish thoughts that are difficult to control. I want him. And I want him to make everything else go away. I want to be pulled into a quiet room and the door closed behind us. I want to hear his breath quicken, feel him harden, see his eyes close. I want him to match my urgency with his own. I don’t want to think.

I am insatiable right now, which puts me in danger. I am most vulnerable in the middle of the night, when it is easy to imagine the hands on me belong to Drew. I try to imagine someone else, to see if the desire is transferrable because I wish it was that simple. But I cannot shake his face, or his words. And I am never done.

Jake is the beneficiary, and it sustains him. If it bothers him that I can’t talk about it, he doesn’t let it show.

Photo credit: weheartit.com

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