List makers


Here’s what Drew thinks he knows about me:

1) I don’t want to be away from my kids.
2) I have a loving and supporting husband who would do just about anything to make me happy.
3) I have not engaged in committed professional couples counseling.
4) I value my friendships and networks and other elements too much to leave my city behind and start over.
5) Much of what I think about Drew is purely in my imagination.
6) Jake knows me better than anyone. Drew will never know me as well.

Here’s what he thinks I should know about him: 

1) He can be completely selfish and has addiction issues (gambling, internet, work).
2) He is financially irresponsible and has been for almost his entire life.
3) He doesn’t like to plan out every aspect of his life.
5) He is more pessimistic than optimistic, more a procrastinator than a planner.
6) He does not want me to pull the rip cord, and he doesn’t want to be a factor in my decision to do/not do that.
7) He is uneven, occasionally depressed and okay with that. He makes promises that he can’t keep.
8) He sometimes has an unhealthy desire to watch it all burn. (This is something I said to him once. It’s my statement and he can’t have it.)
9) He hasn’t dealt with all of his relationship issues and probably never will.
10) He has a big drool-prone dog who sleeps on his bed and occasionally bites.

Here’s what Drew doesn’t know about me: 

1) I have been very close to leaving Jake for a while now.
2) I have been very close to letting go of Drew for a while now.
3) I have been in professional couples counseling with Jake for several years, and I am committed to preserving what is good about us. I am determined to keep us friends.
4) I have been in and out of personal counseling for several years and have never committed to that word “committed.”
5) I haven’t dealt with my relationship issues, and I may spend the rest of my life trying to understand them.
6) Most of what I believe about Drew is not rooted in my imagination; rather, in a sobering view of his prolonged bachelorhood.
7) I will never sleep alongside a dog that weighs as much as I do. There are very nice, comfy dog beds available for large dogs usurped by wives and girlfriends.

Here’s what I know about Drew that he doesn’t think I know (and maybe doesn’t know himself): 

1) He would rather end up alone than risk giving himself completely to another relationship that could fail.
2) He is leery of anything that doesn’t have a clear and easily identified exit ramp.
3) The perception of integrity is very important to him.
4) He doesn’t want to be the guy who makes promises he can’t keep.
5) He wants to be the one who knows the girl better than anyone.
6) His comfort zone has a radius of 148 miles.

7) Anything he offers me can be extended on a trial basis only, must be retrieved on his turf, and may be revoked at any time. [Refer to 1) above.]

This is not rocket science, says the left brain to the right. And life is not all science, says the right to the left.

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