Self fulfilling prophecies


We imagine the worst to protect ourselves. Because it helps if pain comes from us rather than someone else. Because it hurts less if we acknowledge it personally, bowing our heads slightly as it comes closer, holding still until it passes. We hurt ourselves first because there is satisfaction in jerking the opportunity away from others.

Sometimes this feels smart. By anticipating the worst, we can lessen disappointment, neutralize surprise, and reduce the impact of a sting or a direct punch. We are wise in our understanding that life has its ups, but it has more downs. Recognizing the potential for failure keeps us from feeling the full impact of slamming into the wall.

We are good at this, expecting people to reject us. We excel at anticipating their disappointment, and at predicting the point at which someone will give up and simply walk away. We call this intuition. We call it foresight. What we often overlook is a self fulfilling prophecy.

What if all the energy we spend imagining the worst outcomes were spent instead on imagining the best? What is the point of imagination if we aren’t using it to our advantage? Is it a naive view, too vulnerable a position, a fool’s folly to bet on success instead of failure, to conjure opportunity instead of a dead end, to envision someone accepting versus rejecting us?

Of course not. It’s just much harder.

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